Knowing, YOU.

"The best marriage happens after the break-up". Don't know if the person who said this was talking to me or was I eavesdropping? Oh well, I like it. It resonated with me and my current situation. I've always been smarter during course of the relationship. And still I am. What bothers me is that, my heart and head don't have a meeting before any action. My heart it’s so overly involved and annoying, and my head is calculating risks and recalculating options. My best break-up happened after I fell in love with a person. He was and still is a good guy. We know "good guys finish last" and in deed he did. The "problem" was, he's great, nothing is wrong with neither him nor i it just didn’t work out as I calculated. He had a picture of a perfect relationship in his head and so did i. The "problems" was communication (black accent). None of us knew to use this skill but used it in mostly useless ways. It sucked breaking up but it’s fun to have him or her, LOL.... in my life. I love being in love and admitting that I'm a hopeless romantic. I suck at relationships and I suck at being in one. Too much feelings, emotions and too boundaries. I have my guard on. Anytime its break up time and I should be ready, regardless the reason.* Oh my word, I'm competitive even in things that I can't control.* Don't get me wrong I can act normal it just don't know if I want to. When you get dumped, dismissed, fired, re - trenched there's that normal moment of weakness, its ok. Right? Now if it’s me along those ropes immediately I think of avenging. I'm an Avenger, minus the cool powers and martial arts. I want to win at all costs, i could be fired today, i want to win tomorrow, by revenge. I might sound like a crazy person (yes I am one) but no one dislikes a loser and one remembers #2, its either your number one or, you can forget about publicity. Now I don't blame women who act power crazy because being on top is awesome. No one remembers second best but everybody remembers number one. So my power hungry, psychoanalysis, avenging and competitiveness are my down fall. I've found my kryptonite and a way to bring it to justice. I'm just scared to feel, normal. It seems like if I do normal and act normal id hate life and living. Practically I’d become a zombie. What I’ve learnt in that relationship is that every couple has THEIR secret recipe to a happy and healthy relationship. What works for Joseph wont won’t work for Thabo. Know yourself better than your Doctor, by doing so, you know how strong you are and how far you have you got your back.

Where?

They say when you're in the dating scene with someone you really love. The fights are worth it, the boxes of tissues n tubs of ice-cream,looking thru his fone, facebook, twitter even myspace accounts, worth it.

But one thing they don't mention is the time you wanna leave, because your not worth calling someone who never picks up, who makes you cry more instead of laugh more and someone who takes time off his "busy" schedule, to say "Hi, I miss you". I'm not asking for a kidney but a hello.

I'm not gonna lie, kissing frogs to get a prince is just wrong! Who ever believes in kissing a "couple" of frogs to land "Mr Right" needs to be either shot or sterilised. My view in relationships should not be determined by a movie, age, wage, society and a Lil Wayne video. I do want a guy who is taller than me for starters, who has a job, (employment is essential),who is not as crazy as I am but who loves me, for me.

Women are complex, YES! Are we crazy, YES! But our views are similar to the fellas! We want support, loyalty and the *********. Maybe We are too worlds apart but we make magic together! Where is my magic? How long should I wait? Who am I waiting for? If he is reading this, how slow are you?

The Leap

Have you ever felt that you're a walking disaster no matter how great your good intentions are? Like your the other partner behind your partners success and not credited.? Or the unsung hero who saved millions of lives but only has a scar to tell his/ her story.? I'm that person too.

There's a saying "behind a great man, there's a great woman rolling her eyes at him". Ok, maybe I've changed it a bit but there's some relevance. You are that employee whose name is not named on the JSE even though you internally saved the day! You are the bus/ truck driver who has zero accidents who is hoping for just an increase and not the promotion. You are the genius behind twitter or whatever who is not known. Your the bloke that found the cure but a pharmaceutical company gets all the glory and the google hits.

The seclusion could be encouraged because of two things! 1) you really don't care or 2) your just a number, easily disposed at any time. My theory is your a number that does care and knowing of your disposal. Its ok, your a number to some but not to all. That GREAT idea you have on the pipelines, its time to use it, to your advantage. Its time you had the wikipedia page about your life. Its time you get what's rightfully yours. Its time people look at you as a human that you are and not a number.

Don't be the bitter, half-drunk, rolling eye wife, be the top one success story. The greatest of your lifetime. You may get there in 24 hours or 24 months or whatever, but its success nonetheless. We are our own soldiers of our success stories, architects of our own freedom and life-guards of our survival. Take that giant leap, it could be the best thing you ever done for yourself.

Mr Steal Your Heart

I think we can all agree to say that there’s some kind of shortage of male R&B singers around the world. I mean those romantic guys who songs fill your heart with love, sing about things they want to do to you, legal and illegal.

The men who believe in love regardless of the price of petrol. Guys who want to scream from the highest building and about how madly and silly in love they are. Those guys are still alive and no, not on Eddie Zondi's playlist but even on our shores.

R&B has said to be one of the most honest genres in the world, true. We've all sang along to the cheesiest songs but still account to them as greatest hits. Come and gone those artist, paved way for artist like Trey Songs. Yes he may not be as cheesy as The Temptation but in the modern world, he is our sunshine on a cloudy day and when its cold outside, you sing along to Tremaine.

Known for his signature, sultry voice, Tremaine Neverson aka Trey Songz has had the typical career breakthrough. Born in Petersburg, Virginia, with no hopes of being a world renowned singer, actor, songwriter and producer, he and many have changed the modern day R&B. He had no idea he would plucked on some teenagers wall or finding himself on the Billboard charts.

First album didn’t reach targets that one would hope for. Never mind the collaborations with chart-toppers like Yong Joc, Marcus Houston, Twista at the time, the album didn’t reach its maximum potential with the crowd. Trey didn’t give up, it was his second studio album, "Trey Day" that got the industry's attention.

His album, included hits like "Can’t help but Wait", "Last Time" and "Wonder Woman" and that was just the beginning of somewhat the new generation of R&B. Trey's following work included other collaborations with Gucci Mane, Fabulous, Toni Braxton, Chris Brown, Nicki Minaj, Drake, Lil' Wayne and many others, which his or others projects. Although he's a man of soul, he still recorded and released mixtape, rapping.

Yes, he is nothing like The Ojay's, The Jackson Five, R Kelly or Mr. Stevie Wonder but Treys mesmerizing voice, songwriting skills and delivery to all of his work is just beyond. His good looks and those amazing lips and breathe taking eyes make "Mr Steal Yo Girl" the perfect ending to any night, dance-floor, bedroom or fantasy.

When the goin gets addictive

"Drugs are bad, hhmmkay" ... With so much pressure we live in, do we really blame addicts? How do you cope with a great loss? How do you deal with change or even better, How do you deal with the fact that your husband is a cross dresser?

Our lives are so fast paced that we take pills for everything! Headaches, pains, food, stress, metabolism regulation, hair loss, "penis malfunctions", itchy vaginas etc! Why are surprised when human beings become depended on them? Even pills that are suppose to help you with your addiction can end up being your next drug!

When great artists like Tsakani Mahinga aka TK and Amy Winehouse pass away from such events, people don't know how to react! We tweet mean things, say hurtful things and act perfect forgetting a human being has lost their lives and couldn't cope with her/his demons. People who take drugs, well most of them are running away from something, something only them can see and face. When its your time to face your music, its hard to get a dancing partner of the same rhythm.

I'm not saying take drugs because you see demons or you can't cope with your neighbours dog! All I'm saying don't be so quick to judge! You don't know my problems and their roots and you won't understand. Pointing fingers and naming names does nothing to a lost, troubled and hurt soul! It needs love and care! You don't give a blind man a calculator for his birthday or a plasma TV! You give him things that matter to and for him! Put yourself in others shoes before you run your mouth.

Finding X!!

I've always said to myself I will never be involved in politics but life can be political so as music and more. So my post (below) reflects how I really feel (sometimes) so here is my next view.

Many South Africans went out to cast their votes (on the 18th May, 2011) for a better and stable life. The sceptical and hopeful went out too, while, we, the non believers and the less interested, decided to sleep in and vegetate in our homes. The many that did vote made us feel guilty for not participating in any form. My question is, isn’t it a democratic right NOT vote? Well, the many I know feel the same and we decided to practise that right.

I asked @ntuli why she didn’t vote and she said “I just didn’t want to, no matter how much my voice counts”. Mathlogonolo aka Dirty Mula, felt that “if there was another party that spoke to him and DELIVERED what's promises, I’d be voting”. While me on the other hand, feel the same as Dirty Mula and @ntuli, only that my views are a bit abroad.

The ANC, promises and promises but when it comes to election day, they buy votes. They make and present speeches you’d swear Barak Obama wrote, rally in places you never heard of, promise things our parents are still waiting for. I understand, acknowledge and grateful for what the party has done for black people during apartheid. We are not in that era anymore and just because I’m black it doesn’t mean I'd have to vote for them. Even though its Youth leader is a complete joke in my eyes, I still feel like Juju needs to grow up, but not on my watch and my vote.

The DA, is the old Charlie’s Angels of three shades. I’m happy for the affirmative action but I still feel, Helen and company have a lot to DO and CORRECT before they want to be kissed on the butt for what they did. What she, Helen, has done is nothing compared to the ANC, IFP, AZAPO nor the PAC but doesn’t make her a better candidate to get my vote and my voice. So, sorry Gogo Helen, as soon as you have dealt with the garbage in Western Cape and other things that the ANC fails to do, I might just take you seriously.

Then there’s IFP. 1st of all I’m Pedi living in Johannesburg and originally from Rustenburg. I don’t see how such a tribal party would deal with my issues on both provinces I reside. The problems in the IFP camp are gradually showing the characteristics of COPE. If the IFP stops seeing itself as a tribal party, then maybe I’d play Tuks during their rallys and support their mandate. Its leader has been president for decades now and i still don’t know what his strategies are.

Dear COPE, I don’t know if I should cry or laugh. The party seemed as great idea at the time. This was the party that was supposed to outsmart all parties. COPE was supposed to be the iPhone compared to Nokia, Samsung and Motorola. The sad thing is that its internal problems became public knowledge. This Mickey Mouse party made Cartoon Network look like it lacked content. It’s disappointing to find grown ass men fighting for the presidential chair like two homeless guys fighting over glue.

As much as we point the finger as non voters, we also blame the media for only providing us with these “big party’s”. I bet there are some proper parties making a change but not given the airtime to showcase their worth. So now do we blame me or millions of others who felt it was better to watch repeats of programmes than to vote for the next tenderprenuer?

All we hear is corruption, missing millions, law suits, court cases, racism, black, white, Indian, coloured blah blah blah ... We are bombarded with such negativity that its draining to vote for a better life! Yes we do want change and it begins with us but who do we REALLY trust to deliver that for us? And why?

Lets Point Fingers

Getting married lately seems like looking for a good looking taxi driver with great driving skills. Even better, a clean, smart,handsome taxi driver. It seems unlikely and unreal but if your lucky you might find him/ her. As human beings we want it all, the money, career, perfect partner and eternal happiness. We simply identify that as "THE GOAL". All of those can be achieved or granted but then what?

We've heard of the term sugar daddy's. The rich, powerful, influential, whisky drinking, skirt chasing old men who are young blood thirsty! They sound like fat vampires who trap their prey with money. These men prey on the weakness of young girls have and "provide" which seems like a "mutual agreement". We are so quick to judge these men call them by names! Sugadaddy, Papa Madlesa, Malome ATM, Ministers Of Finance etc. Society has drawn these men as disgusting pigs but I'd rather look at what triggers these men and their new found counter culture. They have made the trophy-young wife the latest gaming console and sex with them, the FIFA 11 game.

A relationship is a two way street, you give to get and get to give. The moment you marry someone, their needs come before yours and vice versa. And that's not a marriage fine print. Now the moment this system has a glitch and we don't report it, its time for certain virus' to attack your motherboard. In this case, the cheater virus would start to attack and fast. The void gets bigger and concisely he/her doesn't care. They do care enough to have meaningless sex with a 1st Year at tertiary and still kiss the wife goodnight. They care to book plane tickets to Mhlanga Rocks with the joint bank account with the wife. They care enough to store her numbers like a business mate. They care enough to make schedules surrounding the wife's whereabouts. And they care enough to sleep in her bed.

As the wife you feel robbed and humiliated when the relationship blows over. You did your part, you did your duties and still got the sour end of the deal. Maybe, just maybe if you didn't get too comfortable and forget his needs before your own he would have to order "take-aways". You didn't attend to him, someone did and he loved it. And I'm pretty sure, her numbers are still in his fone. As a wife, you chose to run with 20yr olds! You can't look young forever but I bet you can try! I don't think silicone boobs look good on a 90 year old! #justsaying

So who is to blame for this hot mess? Do we blame the man ordering take aways? Do we blame the wife for buying shoes instead of his partners attention? Do we blame the big guy who thinks with his lil' head? Or do we blame nobody at all? Its pretty simple, no man goes borrowing sugar if he has sugar diabetes! No man hires a limo to go chesanyama? No man would go to a brothel for a hug! Simply because no man leaves a good thing when he has it at home! Be that good someone for someone!